Old men and throwing up are my life now.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
