Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
