This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
