I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
