...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You have to summon your inner elephant
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
