apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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