I wish I only lived at night.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
