i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You can't just leave with hair like that
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You ruined the universe
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