I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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