By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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