Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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