Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
