ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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