also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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