Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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