You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
