I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
