Your dad touched me again.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
