my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
