Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
