She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
