We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize