She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
