just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
