Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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