i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
