is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
