My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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