UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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