he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
A bitchslap is in order.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize