Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
