if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
