there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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