I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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