I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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