I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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