Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
