I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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