Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
