is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
