just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
