So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize