If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
