Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
