i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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