I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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