Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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