I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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