So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
