M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
