Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
