What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
