dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Actions speak louder than pants.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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