Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
