I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize