We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
