I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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