i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
