i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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