My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
