there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He passed out mid-signature
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Randomize
