If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
