She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
