Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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