He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
