im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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