Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
