i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just had sex on a roof
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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