sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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