my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
