So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
