nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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