Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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