Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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