so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
