my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
