you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
