get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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