Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
