Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
