I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
