Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
