I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
