When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
