Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
