I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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