so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
