Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
