I hate all girls vehemently.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
