i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
