well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
