I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We are all done wearing pants today
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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